Author: JoshKane

My Dearest Queen,

Yesterday, I went to the dog park for the same reason I always go to the dog park despite not owning a dog:

To find my tribe and vibe.

Some people think it’s strange for a grown bald man to stand alone at a dog park with his hands in his pockets, silently observing golden retrievers experience pure joy.
(Those people don’t understand optimism.)

I thought it would be another “normal” day of people-watching…

Then I saw YOU.

At first, I thought one of the dogs had learned to walk upright.

Then I realized you were a human woman.

A beautiful human woman.

A beautiful human woman who happened to possess the noble and majestic facial characteristics of my favorite category of wildlife.

I’ve always appreciated amphibians. In fact, frogs were already one of my top 3 favorite amphibians. Now, because of you, I know they are my #1.

The way you stood near the fence.

The way you scanned the horizon.

The way your eyes seemed capable of independently tracking separate insects.

I was captivated!

As the dogs played, I imagined our future together:

You resting peacefully on a warm rock.

Me explaining to confused relatives that this relationship makes perfect sense once you get to know you.

The two of us hosting elegant dinner parties where guests are required to remove their shoes and moisturize their skin before entering your habitat.

Then fate intervened.

I overheard someone mention that you had tested positive for Gird.

My heart stopped…

I immediately found myself hoping it wasn’t terminal and wondering if there’s a vaccine I could intentionally avoid. (Or take two of. )

That’s when I knew this wasn’t just attraction; It was destiny.

Most men get butterflies.

I got an overwhelming desire to purchase a decorative pond.

Forever yours,

The Guy With No Dog

P.S.-Your Dog was cool, too.

Josh Kane, Chit.com

A coalition of branding consultants, thought leaders, and people who bill $400 per hour to rename things has launched a major initiative to eliminate the outdated term “unsolicited photos.”

The group argues that the phrase creates unnecessary negativity around what is essentially an unexpected customer experience.

“Words matter,” explained one branding strategist during a recent webinar titled Disrupting Consent Through Better Messaging. “When someone receives a photo they didn’t ask for, calling it ‘unsolicited’ immediately frames the interaction in a negative light. We believe a more accurate term is ‘surprise content.’”

According to industry research, focus groups reacted significantly more favorably to the phrase surprise content than unsolicited photo. Participants described the former as “fun,” “unexpected,” and “something that sounds like it came from a subscription box.”

The latter was reportedly viewed as “concerning.”

Several corporations have already released statements supporting the initiative.

“We are committed to creating delightful experiences wherever possible,” said one communications executive. “Sometimes delight arrives in ways consumers may not have anticipated.”

Experts insist the issue is largely one of perception.

“If a customer receives a coupon they didn’t request, we call it marketing,” said a consultant specializing in digital engagement. “If they receive a photograph they didn’t request, suddenly everyone gets judgmental. The inconsistency is staggering.”

The movement has gained traction among professionals who believe language should evolve to reflect modern business realities.

One white paper recommends replacing terms such as:

Unsolicited photo → Surprise content
Creepy message → Personalized outreach
Harassment → Persistence strategy
Being blocked → Audience segmentation
HR complaint → Customer feedback

Critics argue the proposed changes are merely an attempt to use corporate jargon to make inappropriate behavior sound acceptable.

Supporters strongly disagree.

“Nobody is trying to change reality,” one branding expert clarified. “We’re simply changing the words people use to describe reality.”

At press time, consultants had already begun work on a follow-up initiative seeking to replace the term “restraining order” with “long-term engagement boundary.”