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Thoughts? I think she did it.

Consult this infograph if you ever need to find Kentucky:

Notice that Kentucky is where the fried chicken is (on top of the pan).

Kentucky is cool.

Chit.com is cool.

By Josh Kane CSO, Chit

Women have always understood that a functioning society requires sacrifice.

That is why, for generations, they have generously volunteered to make less money than men.

Nobody forced them. Apparently.

They simply looked at the available salaries and said, “Give him the rest. He might need a larger television or a truck capable of hauling equipment he does not own.”

It is one of the largest charitable programs in American history.

Women work the same hours, meet the same deadlines, and sometimes train the man who will eventually supervise them. Then payday arrives, and they graciously leave a little extra in the corporate bowl for him.

But their generosity does not end there.

Women also volunteer to produce every human being.

Men certainly help. We contribute one ingredient, usually in less time than it takes to microwave a Hot Pocket, and then remain available for occasional updates.

Women handle the pregnancy, hormonal changes, nausea, medical appointments, physical risk, labor, recovery, and the permanent rearrangement of several internal departments.

Naturally, because women do all the biological work, men should make most of the laws governing it.

That is just common sense.

You would never allow the pilot to decide how to fly the plane. The passengers should vote on it. Ideally, passengers who have never entered a cockpit and remain suspicious that turbulence is caused by female pilots becoming emotional.

Men bring valuable objectivity to reproductive policy because we are protected from nearly every physical consequence of it.

We can discuss childbirth calmly because nobody is asking us to push a watermelon through an opening designed by a committee that clearly hated women.

Some critics argue that women should control decisions involving their own bodies. But that would create a dangerous precedent.

What comes next?

Employees deciding how they should be compensated?

Patients participating in their medical care?

People with direct experience being consulted before legislation is written?

Government cannot function under those conditions.

Fortunately, women continue volunteering.

They volunteer to earn less.

They volunteer to give birth.

They volunteer to recover quickly because their employer generously allowed them to use their remaining vacation days.

Then they graciously let a conference room full of men explain what all of it means.

And men have responded with equal courage.

We accept the extra money.

We occupy the powerful offices.

We write the rules.

We explain that these arrangements are mostly women’s personal choices.

It is exhausting, but leadership has never been easy.

We could not maintain this system without women’s sacrifice.

More importantly, we could not maintain it if we started calling that sacrifice what it actually is.

One of the secrets to happiness is meaningful friendships.

I am lucky to have found amazing people from this project and my other projects. I have so many people to thank. So many people to highlight.

Today, I want to thank my friend: Josh Kane.

Josh co-hosts the Chit-Chat Show with me on Wednesday nights at 8pm Central.

Tune in on LinkedIn, YouTube, Twitch, Facebook, or Instagram.

Follow Josh Kane on LinkedIn.

JKSUITB.

By Josh Kane, Staff Satirist
August 14, 2026

A new workplace study has identified the most difficult job in America: being a pediatrician who is, by all available evidence, deeply afraid of children.

Researchers reached this conclusion after observing Dr. Max Langley, a respected pediatrician who has spent the last 14 years treating patients he insists on describing only as “small, unpredictable adults.”

“People think pediatric medicine is rewarding,” Langley said while peering at a seven-year-old through a crack in his office door. “They never mention the sudden movements. Or the lack of warning. Or the screaming that starts for no reason and ends for even less reason.”

Langley arrives at work each morning fully aware he may encounter screaming, coughing, unexplained stickiness, or the universal reality of children’s wet, sticky fingers, which seem to appear regardless of what they were last touching. He also remains alert to children who have recently discovered that biting is a valid communication strategy.

Despite these hazards, he continues to serve his community.

“That’s courage,” said Rhiannon Bunn, director of the National Institute for Unnecessarily Difficult Careers. “Firefighters enter burning buildings, but at least the building doesn’t ask them to look at a sticker book first. A child can become the fire at any moment.”

Langley has developed several safety procedures over the years. All patients must announce themselves before entering an examination room, keep their hands visible, and agree not to transform into a dinosaur without at least 24 hours’ written notice.

He also conducts most examinations from behind a reinforced desk.

“I can diagnose an ear infection from here,” Langley explained, holding binoculars. “Medical school taught me to trust my instincts. And my instincts are usually ‘stay back.’”

The most dangerous part of his job is administering vaccines. Langley briefly explains the procedure, then hands the syringe to a parent and exits the building at a brisk but dignified pace.

“I don’t enjoy doing that,” he said. “But the child is already upset with them. There is no need to escalate the situation by adding me.”

His staff initially questioned why someone afraid of children would become a pediatrician.

According to Langley, the decision was based on a simple misunderstanding.

“I thought pediatrics had something to do with feet,” he said. “By the time I realized it didn’t, I had already ordered the business cards and emotionally committed to the concept of socks.”

Senior nurse Shelby Ferral said Langley remains one of the bravest doctors she has ever worked with.

“Yesterday, a toddler reached toward him, and Max only screamed for about four minutes,” Ferral said. “Last month it was six. That’s measurable improvement.”

Langley hopes his story will inspire others to face their fears, provided those fears remain at a safe distance, behind glass, and ideally accompanied by a legal guardian.

“Children need healthcare,” he said as someone began crying in the waiting room. “I just wish healthcare didn’t require direct exposure to children.”

By Josh Kane

Chit.com Staff Satirist 8/15/26

Scientists have announced a discovery that could finally provide relief to millions of tired people who have already tried coffee, energy drinks, staring blankly into the refrigerator, and complaining about how tired they are.

According to a new study, sleep is a thing that sometimes might happen when a tired person closes their eyes, lies still, and relaxes for an extended period of time.

Even more surprisingly, researchers believe humans may actually need it.

“We noticed that subjects who closed their eyes and stopped looking at their phones occasionally lost consciousness for several hours,” said Cassidy Bunn, researcher at the National Institute for Being Quiet. “When they reopened their eyes, many reported feeling less terrible.”

For decades, experts believed exhaustion was simply a personality trait found in parents, healthcare workers, and anyone who begins a sentence with, “I only got three hours last night.”

The new research suggests tiredness may instead be the body’s way of requesting sleep.

The study followed 600 adults who claimed they could not sleep. Scientists placed half of them in a dark, quiet room and instructed them to close their eyes. The other half remained on the couch watching videos with the volume turned all the way up while checking emails and remembering every embarrassing thing they had done since middle school.

The first group was significantly more likely to fall asleep.

The second group purchased several things they did not need and got into an argument in the comments section of a video about air fryers.

Scientists caution that closing your eyes does not guarantee sleep. Some participants reported accidentally thinking, which can delay the process indefinitely.

“You close your eyes, and suddenly your brain wants to discuss something you said to a cashier in 2007,” explained Shelby Ferral, a senior unconsciousness analyst. “There is currently no cure.”

Experts recommend sleep at night, preferably in a bed. Early trials suggest beds may be more effective than office chairs, kitchen floors, or briefly losing consciousness at a red light.

Still, many Americans remain skeptical.

“I don’t have time for eight hours of sleep,” said local entrepreneur Max Langley. “I sleep four hours, drink six coffees, and spend the afternoon wondering why my heart feels judgmental.”

Langley later clarified that he could sleep if he wanted to. He simply prefers waking up exhausted so he can post about discipline.

Further research is needed, but scientists remain optimistic that sleep could eventually become part of a healthy lifestyle alongside drinking water, eating vegetables, and occasionally going outside without turning it into content.

For now, experts recommend that tired people begin with a simple experiment:

Close your eyes.

Relax.

Stop doing things.

Wait.